"I Live to think for myself. I refuse to be a mindless sheep following the crowd into cookie-cutter oblivion. Otherwise I'd just be a zombie with no heart or passion in life" - Hervey Taylor IV

I'm Too Old To Adapt

Monday, November 7, 2011

| | |
I have this class called livestock judging. We literally stand outside and judge sheep, hogs, and cattle. Then, we stand in a very cold freezer while we judge their carcasses for yield and quality grades. I am not so excellent at this class. When I look at an animal, I don't see its structure or reproductive capacity. I see how much bacon you can get... or a nice rack of lamb and especially a juicy delicious steak. Sorry if you're a vegetarian but that isn't how I roll. What can I say? I love meat.

Anyway ,on this particular Thursday afternoon we were set to judge calves but the freshies of animal science 100 overran us. This left us inside watching live cattle auctions online. Yep... they actually have live cattle auctions everyday all across the US. It's kind of like Ebay. Except instead of your favorite movie, cheap antique, or other random trinkets you get a semi full of cows.

Surprisingly, live cattle auctions are incredibly stimulating! This is because they are so boring that you are forced to get your brain juices flowing in the hopes of not having your brain atrophy. Which if you ever go on and watch a cattle auction, you will know that this is a very realistic possibility.

This need for brain activity led my friend and I to a conversation about how the world population reached 7 billion. I mean really 7 billion? I think we can lay off the procreating for a while because we are covered. Which is why I don't plan on adding to the world's overpopulation by producing spawn of my own. No thank you. Besides, I am not exactly mothering material seeing as how I have a strong dislike for crying, screaming, pooping, money sucking machines... a story for another day folks.

Anyway, along with population increase we have also been continually increasing life expectancy. My friend said it is a very real possibility that he could live to 120 years. I said if I ever make it to 95 just take me outback and shoot me because that is quite long enough... or maybe 110 because then I can make it to 3000 which would be kind of sweet.

But can you imagine the things we will see in the next 70-100 years. With technology on the rise and money/resources on the fall we will either see amazingly spectacular wonders... or the death of the world. I see either has highly viable scenarios.

This led to the change in conversations. Remember when we used to hear from your grandparents "I remember when I walked up hill 4 miles in a snow storm with no shoes... both ways!" Actually I never heard this from my grandparents. I feel like I got jipped.  

I think if you give it a couple years you can probably be saying the same snowy filled memories seeing as how global warming is increasing which will ultimately lead to an increase in cold... ergo ice age 2! I think our personal conversations will look more like this (cue old grandma/grandpa voice mixed with a little hick and a lot of sage wisdom. Also picture little old lady with a cane and white hair and glasses sitting in her rocking chair... in her igloo): 
"I remember when I used to walk from my car to the building... can you even imagine how long of a walk that was! And it was so hot outside. I felt like I was going to melt into a pool of liquid right there. And it was so hot my shoes melted right there to the pavement. Right there! I didn't make it to work that day. I had to wait ten minutes before somebody came to help me. But those were the good ol' days... I'd take the heat over this ice age any day. I'm sick of ice fishing"

"But grandma haven't you adapted to this harsh cold weather yet?"

"I'm 120 years old, child! I'm too old to adapt!"

And therefore our entire 1.5 hours of livestock judging was spent making ridiculous conversations in fake old people accents. It's amazing the ways you entertain yourself when put in the situation of cattle auctions.