"I Live to think for myself. I refuse to be a mindless sheep following the crowd into cookie-cutter oblivion. Otherwise I'd just be a zombie with no heart or passion in life" - Hervey Taylor IV

Jacked Up Sangria

Thursday, October 25, 2012

| | | 0 Witty Remarks
I think it has come to be known that I like alcohol... but only the tasty kinds. And you know what, I'm not ashamed to say it. Mixed drinks are delicious and fun and as long as you don't drink them in too much excess you're fine. I mean, just go to the gym a little more and it shouldn't have that much affect on you. Don't try and get all drunk and eat an entire bag of chips and your life won't change that much. If you have a huge presentation tomorrow, probably safe to say you should stay in. And if you're drinking... this doesn't mean you have to get shwasted. You probably will by accident but I'm sure you're smart enough to think through your own life choices. I am and it's working out pretty well for me.

Follow these simple rules and your life will be sooo much better. Because alcohol is a happy magical elixir of life. You know... besides that it is in fact a depressant. If we choose to ignore this, it's all good. Besides your liver of course. I'm sure your liver hates you.

But guess what, I'm 22 and in grad school and life is hard. I won't be this young forever and eventually I will in fact have to grow up. Not now. Not today. I know, I have white girl problems in excess.

That being said, it is probably never a good idea to have me make you a drink. Why? I don't believe in shot glasses. I don't believe in measuring your alcohol. I believe in pouring until it tastes good and if it doesn't taste good you add a little more. I believe in having good beers (or cheap beer really, I'm not that picky) with great friends. I wholeheartedly believe in 2 Buck Chuck. I believe in spiked cider on a cold day. I believe in boxed wine and Champagne. I believe in pretty drinks, girly drinks, fruity drinks, and manly drinks. I believe in alcohol.

In honor of my love of alcohol and my new found love for Michigan football, I decided to make a Fall Sangria for our Michigan vs Michigan State tailgate last weekend. And the number one comment I received was "I hate you and your sangria." This was of course after the entire batch was completely devoured.

Why? Because apparently my Sangria was a little too potent for some people... the kind of potent that you didn't actually realize until you're a full glass (or 4) in.

This is what Fall Sangria is supposed to be:

Fall sangria (courteous of nerve.com and my mama) 
2 oranges
1 lemon
2 apples
1-2 cup bourbon
½ cup triple sec
3-4 tsp hot sauce (they use Crystal)
¼ cup simple syrup
2-3 cinnamon sticks
Combine in a quart container and let marinate for at least a day.
Combine mixture with 2 bottles of sauvignon blanc and 3 cups apple cider and adjust to taste.
Garnish with chopped apple.
Makes enough for a small party (medium-sized punch bowl)..

This is what my Fall Sangria turned out to be:
Kaitlyn's Jacked Up Fall Sangria

4 Oranges
2 Lemons
2 Apples
1 Handle of Bourbon
1/2 a bottle of Triple Sec
Pour in hot sauce till you feel it looks like enough
1ish cup of simple syrup from Splenda (I mean, there are already enough calories in this thing, lets not add more) 
6 cinnamon sticks

Combine in a 2.5 L jug and let marinate for at least a day
Combine mixture with 2 bottles (The 1.5 L size) of Pinot Grigio and about half a gallon of apple cider.
Realize it is too sour. Pour some more sugar in.
Realize it is WAY too sweet. Pour a whole bottle of Merlot in and realize it is just right.

Obviously you have now moved to 2 - 2.5 L jugs
Makes enough for a small party!

You can clearly see the winner of these two recipes.

I'm sure you're sensing a theme from my recent blog posts but really, my life is a whole lot of work and school and nobody wants to hear about that. Do you really want to hear about last week how I was holed up for days in my room up until 2 AM studying for my biochem test. No, because that is boring, horrible news that nobody likes. Especially me. But in case you were wondering, I rocked that biochem test last week. Boo-ya!

If you were also curious about the development of Tequila Thursday... it won. It won big time. Just say no folks!! Tequila Thursday is no longer. RIP.

Now kids, please drink responsibly. We don't need anymore crazies out there than there already are.

Tequila Thursday

Friday, October 12, 2012

| | | 1 Witty Remarks
Grad school is hard. Graduate school is so hard in fact that we as first year graduate students needed to come up with ways to cope.

These coping mechanisms consist of weekly traditions in which we can all hang out, vent, relax, and in general enjoy life outside of the laboratory and class room.

Our first tradition involves heading to Ashley's on Tuesday night. Ashley's is amazing they have a ton of regular beers, a revolving tap, and even a whiskey club if you wish to partake in it. Not to mention their bacon, cheddar, chive waffle fries are to die for.

Next tradition is bagel Wednesday. Bagel Wednesday is probably my favorite thing of all because it involves free bagels. FREE! Supplied to the students of Michigan by the lovely alumni club every Wednesday morning. Bagel Wednesday also involves free coffee and hot chocolate. It's pretty much spectacular.

Our next brilliant idea as graduate students involves Tequila Thursday. It's simple really. You buy a bottle of tequila and you are not allowed to leave until the bottle is gone. This is not a bad thing. I mean a fifth is only 750 mL. That is 25.36 oz which is equivalent to roughly 17 shots (1.5 oz. each). So lets say there are 6 of us partaking in Tequila Thursday. That is only 2.8 shots each. Not bad, not bad at all. You can still get homework done after that. Not that I condone homework while drinking, but to each their own.

So you see, in theory Tequila Thursday is a really really good idea and not at all a crazy idea.

Let me give you alcohol tip #45... if you have Tequila Thursday, stick to the plan. If the plan is to drink a bottle of tequila, then you drink that bottle of tequila like a champ! Nowhere in the plan does it specify that you are allowed to go buy a second bottle of tequila. NO. I wrote the plan and I am positive that was never involved.

Also, is there wine in Tequila? Is there wine in Tequila Thursday!? You're smart so I'm going to go with you probably know that there most definitely is NOT. Then why are you breaking out 4 bottles of wine on Tequila Thursday? That is not in the plan. What that is, is the worst decision ever.

The plan is the most important thing about this social outing and I'm pretty sure you just punched the plan in the face. But what do you care right? It's 7 pm on a Thursday night and you're badass. So you're going to think to yourself: Psh... I own you Tequila Thursday. I OWN you.

And because Tequila Thursday is smart, conniving, and more badass then you will ever be, Tequila Thursday keeps quiet... for now. Silently waiting. Letting you have your good time. Letting you roll on home at 9:30 pm thinking life is just a bowl of freaking fruit loops.

So Tequila Thursday lets you sleep. He sits patiently until your alarm goes off. And the second he hears that buzzing, Tequila Thursday slaps you across the face SO hard that your head won't stop throbbing for at least 24 hours. Food will immediately become appalling to you and all you will think about all day is your amazing bed and how you're not in it.

You see... it isn't just Tequila Thursday. The effects last well into Friday evening.

But what Tequila Thursday doesn't know... and at this point my mother who must be sitting there wondering how she raised such a delinquent daughter who flat out lost her mind when she moved to Michigan is that contrary to popular belief I am a responsible human being. If something needs to be done, I'm all over that! 

So much in fact I got myself up, took a shower, got to work on time to participate in journal club, went to seminar and a luncheon completely composed. So much in fact that it is 6:30pm on a Friday night and I am still at work making some pretty classy proteins. In fact, I am the last person at work because I'm that dedicated... So take that Tequila Thursday.

So I'm going to call this an even draw.

Until next week Tequila Thursday...

The Witches Brew

Monday, October 8, 2012

| | | 1 Witty Remarks

Sorry for the hiatus folks. I actually decided to discontinue this blog. I just never let anybody know. Whoops. My life got crazy. I moved to the frozen tundra known as Michigan and my ability to focus long enough to write a blog fully diminished. But I have been asked by friends what happened to my crazy views about life. And then my mother finally brought it up and said she misses them and I should start again. 

Honestly, how can I say no to my mother? I feel like I turned her world upside down by moving far far away from New Mexico and causing a severe case of empty nest syndrome. Really it’s the least I can do! So, I will be posting at the very least every week if you’re interested. And if I go on another hiatus I will surely inform you next time.

Today’s post is informing you about the dangers of alcohol. In particular, spiced wine. Also known as Witches Brew. The most amazingly delicious concoction of spices and wine that I have ever tasted in my life.

Coming straight from Leelanau Cellars, Northern Michigan winery, this wine is fantastic in more ways than one. For starters it’s on sale all throughout the state of Michigan and just about any store for 2 for $10. That’s 1500 ml of scrumptious red wine for a measly $10. This is probably why I have invested in and consumed 8 bottles already. Second, this is a wine that needs to be heated and fills you with warmth and bubbly goodness on a cold fall night. And let’s face it, I need all the warmth I can get out here in Michigan. Thirdly, if you hate red wines… which quite frankly I think is a crime against humanity… but alas there are those of you out there that the tannins of red wines just don’t do it for you. So, if you do indeed hate red wine I am about 79.2% positive that you will like this because of the amazing balance brought to you by the plethora of spices mixed in.

Wait… I think I was supposed to talk about the dangers of alcohol. Really, the main danger of this alcohol is that you don’t taste it. So… when a completely sane and not at all alcoholic person decides that the best thing to do on a Sunday at 2:30 in the afternoon is to start drinking this warm wine somebody should definitely tell them: No, that is the worst decision I have ever heard of.

Alas, my house that is normally filled with 7 other crazy characters was empty and I was alone to do as I saw fit. And what I thought was an excellent idea was to break out the wine and start cooking. All was going swimmingly until I finished the pumpkin muffins. That’s when the alcohol kicked in and my kitchen suddenly turned in to the background for “My Drunk Kitchen,” which if you haven’t watched you should definitely youtube it. 

You see, side effects of Witches Brew include:
  • Not knowing how many cans of tuna you put in your tuna salad. Which will surely cause a nervous breakdown in which you literally have to go dig through the trash to count the cans you have already used.
  • Not being able to properly open a spice jar plastic safety covering doodad… which really is a bit of a hassle to begin with so we’ll say this one isn’t entirely yours and the Witches Brew’s fault. I am personally ready to give full blame to the spice company that did not fully perforate the edges of the plastic for easy removal. However, in order to get around this you will inevitably pull at the cap as hard as humanly possible until it gives way sending red curry powder all over yourself and the kitchen floor. Then you will obviously have to clean up said mess which results in a soaking wet shirt with curry sauce that never actually comes off and a slippery floor which you will probably fall on.
  • Thinking a different spice jar has a shake top when indeed it has a pour top. This will result in about 3 tablespoons of your spice ending up in your soup rather than the 1 teaspoon it originally called for. In order to rectify this situation, you will just add more pumpkin hoping it will hide the spice intensity… which you will learn when you’re sober that it definitely does not.
  • Deciding that you should put your very hot soup in the blender (like the recipe says to do) but accidently forgetting the lid, resulting in firey hot curried pumpkin-apple soup to splash on to your hand. In your alcoholic haze you will momentarily forget how to use water as a cleaning and cooling aid for your almost 3rd degree burn.
  • Consuming Witches Brew will most definitely lead to all of your roommates coming home… finding  you drunk cooking with a house that has intoxicatingly harsh spiced alcohol fumes wafting through it. It’s ok though because they will proceed to eat all of your pumpkin muffins and join you in consuming an additional three bottles of spiced wine until everybody has realized that all the work they were supposed to do that Sunday night most definitely did not get done.
  • Last but most certainly not least, it is highly likely that your wine consumption will end with a skype call to your friends back in New Mexico who are thoroughly entertained by you and your entire life shambles. Additionally, they will declare you haven’t changed a bit.
Who am I kidding? Witches Brew is probably the most fantastic invention I have ever heard of and I highly encourage you to obtain some with whatever means necessary. And by obtain some… I really mean you should consider buying 10-20 bottles because it’s only sold seasonally. Which at this point is my biggest concern.
There was an error in this gadget