But me and my sister were never good at keeping secrets or surprises. We are known for getting our parents to tell us what the other daughter is getting for a Christmas gift and then we tell each other. Usually when I buy somebody a gift I get so excited that I have to tell them right away and I ruin my own surprise. It's like I physically can't contain it. This year I have cured that disease by just not buying anybody presents. It's amazing how easy it is to not blab if you don't have anything to blab about. I don't suppose this is going to go over really well though so maybe I should think about getting to the store sometime this week. And by store I mean online shopping markets. Get real if you think I am braving the crazies that only come out during Christmas. Do you think I'm nuts!?
In short though, I'm not good with the secrets thing. I can indeed keep a secret... but I don't like to. It's too much responsibility. And quite frankly I have to consciously think about the words coming out of my mouth so I don't screw it up. Do you think I regularly use a filter? If you've figured anything from this blog... it's probably that I don't often filter my thoughts.
At least that is what it appears like. I do actually filter my thoughts though. It is just that the holes on my filter are so incredibly large that only things that are actually caught and held back from the world are the thoughts that are so ludicrous or offensive. I find this is good enough. If I was to use a more efficient filter, like normal folk... I would just sit here. Literally, no words or thoughts would escape me and wouldn't that be dull!? I think all muscles in my body would atrophy until eventually I was a puddle of nothingness on the couch under my high school throw blanket. And then my dog would come sit on me because apparently he has decided this is his blanket and not mine and steals it every chance he gets.
So yes, here I am a puddle of nothingness under a blanket, under my dog, lost to the world... which is why I said to hell with it and chucked the "normal people" filter a long long time ago. And now, all I am left with is the "Stormin Norman" filter. That is what I named it. I feel it adequately sums up the amount of work it actually does for me. Sometimes, I wish I was able to get the "normal people" filter back just so I could exchange it out every once in a while. Once, I did actually find it. It was hidden in a box of goodies labeled 3rd grade year. I put it on for a day... a solid day! But it was too much hassle. It always got clogged and I spent more time cleaning it out than anything thing else. And let me tell you, cleaning up backed up thoughts and words caught in your filter is not pretty. It can get rather... messy and loud. Surprisingly loud. I'm way too lazy to clean up that kind of mess.
I should mention I am also a rationalizer. I do this to make myself feel better about things. Which is what I just did above if you didn't realize it. Hey, I'm not perfect. I admit it.
According to Urban Dictionary (the most reputable dictionary I can think of): Rationalize: To make excuses by masking own flaws/insecurities by explaining one's own reasoning/actions, often used to avoid the real reason or reality when all it does it make one small, simple & scared.
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary (a dramatically less accurate version of the truth): Rationalize: To bring into accord with reason or cause something to seem reasonable.
I'm mentioning rationalization now because I was thinking: "Hey isn't there that quote that goes something along the lines of - You shouldn't bottle up your thoughts and emotions. I should go search google and try to find something about this so I can justify it on my blog to everybody that not having a filter is actually a sane thing to do!"
So that is what I did. I used my best friend google to search quotes. Do you know what the first thing I found!?
Friends, this does not bode well for my outcomes in life. I gotta say, the duck is making me feel a little better though.
And then I got over it when I find the most perfect quote I have ever read. It describes my life to a T. It even has sheep in it. It's pretty awesome and I think I may put this on my blog page.
"I Live to think for myself. I refuse to be a mindless sheep following the crowd into cookie-cutter oblivion. Otherwise I'd just be a zombie with no heart or passion in life." - Hervey Taylor IV (whoever that is?)
Wait a second... somehow I don't believe I got on the computer to write this. That's because I was supposed to be writing about keeping secrets and I got wildly off topic. It's because once again Stormin Norman isn't doing its job about filtering things. Sometimes getting ridiculous amounts of sidetracked is a side effect.
And now I find that this blog is becoming rather lengthy and I don't have room to give the justice of the secrets that I have been keeping so close for so long.
So lets just be quick and to the point. I can finally talk about it because the surprises already happened yesterday at our big dinner get together on the pretense of my Dad's birthday dinner. 1. My sister came home! She was surprising my grandparents. 2. My old friend from down the street came home. He was fighting in Afghanistan and wasn't supposed to be back until January. But with the help of his sister he rigged a plan to get here before Christmas and surprise everybody.
I'm so very happy to have everybody back and safe and home where they should be for the holidays. Plus it helps to have the sister back (aka the favorite child) because now my mom took the week off to spend with her and now has time to make all kinds of holiday treats... which truly means I do not have to partake in cookie making this year. It's really the best gift somebody could give me.
I'm hoping I get the chance to one-sidedly converse with you all before Christmas which is six days away... but if I don't. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season and enjoy a good wood burning fire and some legit hot chocolate made from actual chocolate bars (not that lame powder stuff). The first of which I just need to convince my father to brave the cold and chop up some wood when he gets home. The second of which I am going to guilt my mother into making by playing the poor-me-I-know-I'm-not-your-favorite-child card. Oh the true spirit of the holidays...
Oh. My. God. I just tried to guilt my mother into making hot chocolate and she said she never actually made it with real chocolate. She always used the powder stuff and then lied to us... my whole life is a lie! I am officially crushed.
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