Here Be Dragons

I should be embarrassed to say what I am about to tell you... but fact is, I just am not. Which in and of it self is a little embarrassing.

Today was a clean my room day. I've been cleaning the whole house lately and not so subtly "forgot" to clean my room. I just don't like cleaning my room. Probably because I have so much crap in it that it really is just more trouble than it is worth. Also, there is something about a little chaos that calms me down. But finally, I decided it is time and I need to clean my room. I also decided that not only am I going to clean my room, I am going to minimalize it!

I don't actually have that much unnecessary stuff. I just have too many clothes/accessories/books/shoes/makeup which take up the majority of my life. The only place where I do have a TON of unnecessary belongings are under my bed. Under my bed = Here Be Dragons and so I leave it alone and do not wish to venture under there for fear that I may never return.

The fact that my room isn't clean is not the embarrassing part, that is still to come. Don't worry.

So here I am, organizing my movies and putting away all of my jewelery in my brand new jewelry closet that I got for Christmas while watching Supernatural. FINALLY done with the third season. Took me long enough to get there! But, I find that while I am watching Supernatural I am not actually doing a whole lot of cleaning. I am getting way too sidetracked so after a long internal battle with myself I decide to turn it off and put something else in that won't distract me too much.

I go through a list of options I have made myself:

Fight Club - One of my favorite movies... not the smartest choice for a happy cleaning environment. Though they do make soap in the movie! That is a plus I guess.

Australia - Love this movie!! But it is long and kind of sad and a little too emotional for my state of mind right now. I need to be cleaning. Not drooling over Hugh Jackman and crying over the poor little boy in the movie.

Matilda - Probably my favorite kids movie. She has powers! What is not to love!? But still doesn't feel right.

Crash - WAY too heartbreaking.

Labyrinth - The best old school horribly made 80s flick featuring David Bowie.

She's The Man - The fact that I can literally quote every single line in this movie makes it hard not to pay attention to.

I go through a ton more including Inception, West Side Story, The Breakfast Club, Mamma Mia, Saw (complete set), and the Lord of the Rings trilogy... but none of these are really doing it for me.

So far, I have spent 30 minutes just trying to find a movie to watch. This is 30 minutes away from cleaning time and I am becoming increasingly frustrated. Then, I see it and I know. I know instantly this is the movie I am going to watch. This is the one movie that I know won't distract me but will keep me entertained while I enter my intense cleaning afternoon. High School Musical.

Hey, don't knock it till you've seen it. For the horrible acting, cheesy music, and dreamy Zac Efron... it aint that bad. Ok, yeah, it is that bad. It's worse than bad. It is down right horrible. Besides, I was in high school when it came out. And no, I didn't buy it for myself. It was a gift!

For a while in high school I was referred to as "High School Musical" not because of my love for this movie but because people said my life resembled it. Not the actual story line. I didn't meet a hot boy at a ski resort for New Years and then move to his school and fall hopelessly in love while entering the school musical while juggling my science club team.

Besides the fact I was indeed in a science club, all resemblances stop there! So why HSM for a nickname? I don't know. I used to be upbeat and peppy and loud I guess. All which have dissolved since then, besides the loudness. I mean, I truly wish people in my life would break out into song and synchronized dancing then go back to life like it was completely normal, but this has yet to happen.

Anyway, I haven't seen this movie since high school and decide today would be the perfect day. After much finagling with my TV, I start the movie and go back to dusting my nightstand and successful cleaning as officially ensued!

This was two hours ago, the dust rag and pledge bottle are sitting neatly on the floor next to my night stand. My jewelery is all tidied up and my movies are nicely sitting in their spot... but my night stand isn't even fully dusted and I can't exactly remember what happened to the last two hours of my life!?

One second I am looking at the clock and it says 2:30. Literally, one second passes and the clock is flashing 4:40 and I am on the other side of my room which looks exactly the same. The only thing different is that the ending credits for HSM are rolling through. I am having strange flashbacks that may or may not involve singing along... it's all still fuzzy. So what happened to that two hours? Your guess is as good as mine.

But I can tell you for a fact that it sure wasn't cleaning.

In order to remind myself of this strange/awkward/uncomfortable/horrible feeling I just recieved from losing almost 2 hours of my life, and in the hopes that I never make the same mistake again, I think I may write a little note on the front of the HSM DVD box - Here Be Dragons.


Now, I have lost all motivation and am officially giving up cleaning for the night. Productivity at its finest.

This Pantry is Delerious

Sometimes I worry about my family. Probably not in the sense you're thinking about. I mean, I do worry that, you know, I'll get a call saying that they were found in a ditch somewhere (Obviously, I hope this never actually happens). But to worry about things like that is exhausting and quite frankly stupid. I mean, if they were going to get in a freak accident, it would be horrible. I would cry. I'd probably lock myself in my room. I'd curse them for never making a will because I would probably end up homeless on the streets as the city took away our house and pretty much everything else. And I would be really really depressed and hate life for a ridiculously large amount of time (more for the loss of family than the house and homeless part... that's just an unfortunate outcome of an unforeseeable accident. One that can be avoided parental units! Get a will. Thanks.)

But in the end... it is just an accident. I can't worry about accidents happening. There really isn't a lot I can do to stop them.

However, I do worry about how my parents are going to survive without me. No seriously, I feel like I should make them lists of everything. But I still don't think that would help. Or maybe I should just hire them a personal grocery shopper. I don't know, but sometimes when I start to think about it too much I get mini heart palpitations.

The main things I am concerned with are the pantry, freezer(s), and fridge. Which are huge areas to be concerned about. These places are the only places in the house that store the food. The food we need to survive on. The food that I find out multiple times a year... gets lost in the corners never to be heard of again until I come and clean it out. I think the perfect motto for our kitchen would be:

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.

Ever since I have been born... 21.5ish years... I can only remember one event involving my mother/father/sister cleaning out a food storage place. Once. Yeah, everybody chips in with cleaning the dishes and the counters and whatever else but not those three sacred areas. I don't know how I got this job or if I just simply took it over in a time of need but I have become a pretty strict food cleaner.

It is like a compulsive behavior. If I open the fridge, and it is a disaster, I have to clean it. I can't help it. I don't focus and I sure as heck can't eat so I drop everything and clean it out and straighten it up. I'm more lax on the freezers and pantry because those are more of a pain to clean out.

But today I tackled the pantry. It took me 2 solid hours to clean it out. TWO hours. As I am going through and sorting things out, I find the most ridiculous things. I am not even positive how these things got in here in the first place, because I know they weren't hiding in there the last time I cleaned, yet somehow their expiration date is 2008. How is that possible? How can we have... not 1 but 2 cans of blueberry pie filling that expired in 2008. I know that I have never had a blueberry pie and my mother has never made one. So why I ask do we have blueberry pie filling? It is truly still a mystery to me.

I feel like there must be some miniature door hidden in the back corner of the pantry where the Keebler Elves or some sort of creature that looks quite similar waits for the perfect time to attack! By adding ridiculous expired food products. Or just ridiculous food products.

For example, our stash of tea. I am not a tea drinker. I quite prefer coffee and I think tea tastes strange. But maybe once a year we make tea. My sister once went through a phase where she made a lot of tea and I think that is where we acquired the stash. But we had ten boxes of assorted tea. And in case you didn't know, tea does expire! So most of our stash of tea is sitting at the bottom of the trash can.

By the time I am done with the pantry, I am feeling much better about life. I can find things. I can tell what we have in stock and what we do not. And I can make sure my mom doesn't buy any more of what we already have.

But what do you think happened when my parents got home? Well, I pointed to the pantry and my mom went to open it and do you know what she did next!? I still am in utter shock. I can't even believe it happened. She opened the trash can and peered inside it. Then with a crumpled face, she took out an old bottle of dressing and said,  "I JUST bought this. You cannot throw this away." Well ma, seeing as how the expiration date is 2010 I'm going to go with that was a blatant lie and the only way you "just" bought this is if you created a time machine and placed it in the dressing isle at the grocery store. But seeing as how this is a highly unlikely scenario,  I'm gonna go with lie.

Next she asks... "Where's all the tea!?" This coming from the mother who has never made tea for herself in her life. I'm sorry... what were we keeping this tea for? Are gypsies coming to town and we plan buying things from them by trading in tea? Because it is enough to start some form of currency so this may actually be doable. In that case, I can most certainly fish them out of the trash. If that isn't the case then they are staying put. Or are we planning on reenacting the Boston Tea Party because I think that would be fun and for this I will also fish the tea out of the trash.

Do you see what I have to deal with people? I am currently swaying back and forth on a very small line. On one side of the line... I'm leaving soon and therefore can pretend it goes away. The other side of the line... dear god, if I don't teach them the proper grocery buying and storing rules my parents are going to 1. Die of starvation because they can't find anything 2. Die of some disease because they have eaten rotten food.

Looks like I have work cut out for me in the next several months...

I also found the perfect gift to give as a going away gift. As in, I am going away, please read this!

On the upside and random side, I just found out you can make a funfetti cake/cupcakes with a simple box of funfetti mix and a can of soda. No eggs, oil or anything else. Thank you pinterest.com for taking multitude of hours away from productivity as well as providing me with a plethora of humorous jokes and yummy recipes. 

cookiesandcups.com

(Disclaimer - I should tell you that we don't actually throw out a lot of food. I do more rearranging and making everything fit nicely than throw things away. Just so you know and don't get all crazy and bring out the starving kids in Africa. Though yes, I know they still exist and it is an unfortunate set of events. I'm sure they wouldn't enjoy large amounts of expired tea which brings no nutritional value except for the water that it is carried in.

And my family isn't filled with slobs... I promise! I am just a little crazy. You may have already come to this conclusion on your own.)