"I Live to think for myself. I refuse to be a mindless sheep following the crowd into cookie-cutter oblivion. Otherwise I'd just be a zombie with no heart or passion in life" - Hervey Taylor IV

If A Boy Gives You A Cake

Saturday, May 26, 2012

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Have you ever wondered what makes a person ask another person out? Or how they actually go about asking someone out? I have... many times.

Like today, when I was at the grocery store and this 20 something year old cashier starts chatting me up about how unfocused I am. Which, really I was. I was getting my groceries and truly off in a world all my own thinking about meals I wanted to make, where I wanted to go running, where was the best place to buy a coffee travel mug because not having coffee every morning was starting to drive me crazy... all in all I was not really at the grocery store.

So, in this state of mind, without even thinking about it, I was completely ignoring the cashier as he was blabbing on and on about who knows what. Summer, memorial day... New York I think. It is all a little hazy. I wasn't paying attention and his what I think was an italian accent was rather hard to actually understand. Especially when I am quite hard of hearing already. I think it is why my normal talking voice is so incredibly loud. I really just do not hear all that well.

All of this mixed together lead to a really strange and extremely awkward encounter.

As I am helping bag my stuff, which I am not exactly sure if you're supposed to do that but I always do anyway, I find myself whipping out a few "Yeahs," a couple "Uh-huhs," and quite a lot of "Mmm-hmms."

That is why the next part was very odd... I hear the cashier say, "So I guess thats a no?"

My head snaps up from my purse where I was  frantically trying to find my debit card. I make a tiny second of eye contact with this guy and look back down and mumble a "I'm sorry what?"

"So I guess that's a no to a date."

At that my eyes flash back up with my debit card half way in the air where I stand a little frozen. Did this all really just happen? Then, I think he realizes how not present my mind is so was making a joke... but when I smile and kind of half giggle, his face starts to fall a little... and I realize what a bitch I am being at that precise moment.

First, I don't listen to the guy. Then, I don't even answer when he asks me out. Then, I proceed to laugh at the whole situation. Super classy Kaitlyn. Super classy.

Somehow, I managed to get out of there with something along the lines of I'm flattered truly but no thank you.

Then it hits me... why the hell did he even ask me out anyway... in a grocery store. I was in his presence for a mere 2 minutes maybe. I didn't really talk to him even or look at him. What in this whole situation makes a guy want to ask me out. Absolutely nothing. I appear to be a pre-occupied, day dreaming girl who could really not give a flying flip about what is going on around her. I am truly astonished at this entire situation. I still can't seem to figure this one out.

But, I need to mention that after the fact I whole heartedly appreciated how he went about the entire deal.

I have a huge problem. It's doesn't have a name but it probably really should. It's so bad that every single one of my friends has commented on it several times and instructed me to fix it.

You see, this little problem I have is not noticing when a guy is asking me out. Ever. I just don't see the cues. They go completely unrecognized to me at all times. I have had more than a handful of guys tell me that they tried to ask me out and I apparently "shot them down" ... more than once. Guys I, at the time, really liked and was convinced they didn't like me. So bad in fact, that once I was apparently in some kind of relationship with this boy and I was completely unaware of it. How does that even happen!!? Once, I was offered a cake and turned it down because I was too full. Which I was. I had just eaten lunch actually. Who the heck am I?

People... let me give you life's MOST IMPORTANT lesson. If a boy offers you cake. You never say no. Never. Do you hear me? I don't care if you just ate an entire antelope family. You eat that flippin cake. If you never learn anything else in life. Learn that. 

Anyways... I am told classic dating cues are: Are you hungry? Lets grab lunch! Want to go to dinner. Want to see this movie with me Saturday night? How about we hang out sometime? We should have coffee sometime. Want some cake?

How are you supposed to know when and when aren't these are dating cues? I have no earthly idea. For all I know you could actually just be hungry and I'm the only person there to have lunch with. Or maybe I'm just a really good friend... I'm pretty decent at that I hear. And yeah, I like to hang out with just about everybody.

This problem started way back when I was the crazy girl from He's Just Not That In To You. No... really... it was bad. I used to see in to everything a guy would do and was just so positive that he was in to me. When he so positively was not.

So, I flipped off the switch and consequently I read in to nothing. I'm one of those girls you have to flat out say... "Hey want to go on a date?" or "I like you" or maybe just kiss me. Those would all do the trick. Because if you just ask me for coffee or dinner or a movie... it's just not going to register through my head.

I am sure you MUST see this as being a huge problem. And believe me I have tried to flip that switch back the other way or even more in the middle and it just won't work. I can't do it. I can't un-train my mind.

So you see though I didn't want to go on a date with Mr. Cashier Man there was absolutely no mistaking his intentions.

I mean, I really should have just said yes because at this rate and in this state I am going to die alone with my 10 medium size dogs at my side and a huge uneaten cake.

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