The Witches Brew

Sorry for the hiatus folks. I actually decided to discontinue this blog. I just never let anybody know. Whoops. My life got crazy. I moved to the frozen tundra known as Michigan and my ability to focus long enough to write a blog fully diminished. But I have been asked by friends what happened to my crazy views about life. And then my mother finally brought it up and said she misses them and I should start again. 

Honestly, how can I say no to my mother? I feel like I turned her world upside down by moving far far away from New Mexico and causing a severe case of empty nest syndrome. Really it’s the least I can do! So, I will be posting at the very least every week if you’re interested. And if I go on another hiatus I will surely inform you next time.

Today’s post is informing you about the dangers of alcohol. In particular, spiced wine. Also known as Witches Brew. The most amazingly delicious concoction of spices and wine that I have ever tasted in my life.

Coming straight from Leelanau Cellars, Northern Michigan winery, this wine is fantastic in more ways than one. For starters it’s on sale all throughout the state of Michigan and just about any store for 2 for $10. That’s 1500 ml of scrumptious red wine for a measly $10. This is probably why I have invested in and consumed 8 bottles already. Second, this is a wine that needs to be heated and fills you with warmth and bubbly goodness on a cold fall night. And let’s face it, I need all the warmth I can get out here in Michigan. Thirdly, if you hate red wines… which quite frankly I think is a crime against humanity… but alas there are those of you out there that the tannins of red wines just don’t do it for you. So, if you do indeed hate red wine I am about 79.2% positive that you will like this because of the amazing balance brought to you by the plethora of spices mixed in.

Wait… I think I was supposed to talk about the dangers of alcohol. Really, the main danger of this alcohol is that you don’t taste it. So… when a completely sane and not at all alcoholic person decides that the best thing to do on a Sunday at 2:30 in the afternoon is to start drinking this warm wine somebody should definitely tell them: No, that is the worst decision I have ever heard of.

Alas, my house that is normally filled with 7 other crazy characters was empty and I was alone to do as I saw fit. And what I thought was an excellent idea was to break out the wine and start cooking. All was going swimmingly until I finished the pumpkin muffins. That’s when the alcohol kicked in and my kitchen suddenly turned in to the background for “My Drunk Kitchen,” which if you haven’t watched you should definitely youtube it. 

You see, side effects of Witches Brew include:

• Not knowing how many cans of tuna you put in your tuna salad. Which will surely cause a nervous breakdown in which you literally have to go dig through the trash to count the cans you have already used.

• Not being able to properly open a spice jar plastic safety covering doodad… which really is a bit of a hassle to begin with so we’ll say this one isn’t entirely yours and the Witches Brew’s fault. I am personally ready to give full blame to the spice company that did not fully perforate the edges of the plastic for easy removal. However, in order to get around this you will inevitably pull at the cap as hard as humanly possible until it gives way sending red curry powder all over yourself and the kitchen floor. Then you will obviously have to clean up said mess which results in a soaking wet shirt with curry sauce that never actually comes off and a slippery floor which you will probably fall on.

• Thinking a different spice jar has a shake top when indeed it has a pour top. This will result in about 3 tablespoons of your spice ending up in your soup rather than the 1 teaspoon it originally called for. In order to rectify this situation, you will just add more pumpkin hoping it will hide the spice intensity… which you will learn when you’re sober that it definitely does not.

• Deciding that you should put your very hot soup in the blender (like the recipe says to do) but accidently forgetting the lid, resulting in firey hot curried pumpkin-apple soup to splash on to your hand. In your alcoholic haze you will momentarily forget how to use water as a cleaning and cooling aid for your almost 3^rd degree burn.

• Consuming Witches Brew will most definitely lead to all of your roommates coming home… finding  you drunk cooking with a house that has intoxicatingly harsh spiced alcohol fumes wafting through it. It’s ok though because they will proceed to eat all of your pumpkin muffins and join you in consuming an additional three bottles of spiced wine until everybody has realized that all the work they were supposed to do that Sunday night most definitely did not get done.

• Last but most certainly not least, it is highly likely that your wine consumption will end with a skype call to your friends back in New Mexico who are thoroughly entertained by you and your entire life shambles. Additionally, they will declare you haven’t changed a bit.

Who am I kidding? Witches Brew is probably the most fantastic invention I have ever heard of and I highly encourage you to obtain some with whatever means necessary. And by obtain some… I really mean you should consider buying 10-20 bottles because it’s only sold seasonally. Which at this point is my biggest concern.

Foody

I've never posted about food before but I'm thinking maybe I should start. If there is one thing I love in this world, it's food. Maybe a little too much. I love it so much that if I had enough money and knew I would be successful business owner, I would drop out of the sciences and open up my own bakery. The muffin, scone, bagel, cupcake type of bakery. But alas, the economy is horrible and I am in no position to start a business nor am I a good enough cook to achieve excellent success.

But I do love to cook. Food is so much a part of our culture and who we are as human beings. It's what we do when we get together with friends. It's what you we do when family comes to visit. It's what we do when you have a good day and want to celebrate with something special or when you have a bad day and need a little pick me up. Food is pretty freakin fantastic.

It's gotten harder though as I grow up and move on in the world though. Food takes time to prepare... and time is not something I find readily. And sooo much food is not good for you. But lets be real with ourselves. It's not logical to cut out all of the unhealthy things we eat. That is just asking way too much. Balance and smarter cooking I think are the keys. So lately I've decided to try and maximize my food and stay healthier while also being practical with my time.

I've had several people ask me about this dish and I happened to make it today so I decided to post it on here. It's absolutely fantastic. I found it on yummly.com which is one of my all time favorite sites when it comes to looking up recipes. That and pinterest of course. You can find just about anything you could imagine on yummly and you can tailor your search to a specific food item or even to a specific calorie amount that you're looking for.

This particular recipe is called Gnocchi with Spinach and Peas. If you've never actually made gnocchi, you are missing out. You can make them homemade which I hear is excellent or you can be lazy (like me!) and purchase them from any grocery store. All they are are dumplings. Magical little potato pillows of goodness. And they are ridiculously easy to prepare from the package.

After all of this healthy talk I just threw at you, I'm going to give you a recipe that isn't the healthiest thing in the world. It has quite a few carbs (hello, they're made from potatoes!) and higher in fat but relatively low in calories. So it is one of those meals you make every once in a while... not every day.

So here is the recipe, and as I find good delicious things to make I'll put them up on my blog and let you know.

 Gnocchi with Spinach and Peas

1 cup of frozen peas that have been thawed
1/2 cup of heavy cream
1/4 tsp of hot red pepper flakes (I use more... a lot more because I like firey, spicy food but be careful because it can get hot fast)
1 garlic clove smashed... or 2 or 3 really. You really cannot go wrong with garlic.
1/4 tsp salt
3 packed cups of baby spinach
1 tsp grated lemon zest
1 1/2 tsp fresh lemon juice
1 lb gnocchi
1/4 cup reduced fat parmesan cheese

Simmer the peas, cream, red pepper flakes, garlic and salt in a covered skillet for just about 5 minutes until the peas start to get tender. Remove the lid, add your spinach and cook on medium-low heat until your spinach is wilted. It looks like a lot of spinach at first but spinach cooks down crazy small. Remove from the heat and add in your lemon juice and lemon zest.

At the same time, boil your gnocchi in salted water until al dente. About 2 minutes after they start to float to the top. Save some of the pasta water and drain the gnocchi. Add the gnocchi to your peas and spinach mixture. Toss together and add extra pasta water to coat make sure everything is evenly coated. Top with your parmesan cheese.

And that is it folks. Easiest meal ever and never takes me more than 15-20 minutes. I always save the leftovers and they make pretty decent lunches for work. Keep in mind gnocchi is much better freshly made than re-heated... but hey, it beats a sandwich for lunch!

Nutrition (per serving - 4 servings total)

Calories: 326

Fat: 14 g

Carbohydrates: 46 g

Protein: 10 g

This Pantry is Delerious

Sometimes I worry about my family. Probably not in the sense you're thinking about. I mean, I do worry that, you know, I'll get a call saying that they were found in a ditch somewhere (Obviously, I hope this never actually happens). But to worry about things like that is exhausting and quite frankly stupid. I mean, if they were going to get in a freak accident, it would be horrible. I would cry. I'd probably lock myself in my room. I'd curse them for never making a will because I would probably end up homeless on the streets as the city took away our house and pretty much everything else. And I would be really really depressed and hate life for a ridiculously large amount of time (more for the loss of family than the house and homeless part... that's just an unfortunate outcome of an unforeseeable accident. One that can be avoided parental units! Get a will. Thanks.)

But in the end... it is just an accident. I can't worry about accidents happening. There really isn't a lot I can do to stop them.

However, I do worry about how my parents are going to survive without me. No seriously, I feel like I should make them lists of everything. But I still don't think that would help. Or maybe I should just hire them a personal grocery shopper. I don't know, but sometimes when I start to think about it too much I get mini heart palpitations.

The main things I am concerned with are the pantry, freezer(s), and fridge. Which are huge areas to be concerned about. These places are the only places in the house that store the food. The food we need to survive on. The food that I find out multiple times a year... gets lost in the corners never to be heard of again until I come and clean it out. I think the perfect motto for our kitchen would be:

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.

Ever since I have been born... 21.5ish years... I can only remember one event involving my mother/father/sister cleaning out a food storage place. Once. Yeah, everybody chips in with cleaning the dishes and the counters and whatever else but not those three sacred areas. I don't know how I got this job or if I just simply took it over in a time of need but I have become a pretty strict food cleaner.

It is like a compulsive behavior. If I open the fridge, and it is a disaster, I have to clean it. I can't help it. I don't focus and I sure as heck can't eat so I drop everything and clean it out and straighten it up. I'm more lax on the freezers and pantry because those are more of a pain to clean out.

But today I tackled the pantry. It took me 2 solid hours to clean it out. TWO hours. As I am going through and sorting things out, I find the most ridiculous things. I am not even positive how these things got in here in the first place, because I know they weren't hiding in there the last time I cleaned, yet somehow their expiration date is 2008. How is that possible? How can we have... not 1 but 2 cans of blueberry pie filling that expired in 2008. I know that I have never had a blueberry pie and my mother has never made one. So why I ask do we have blueberry pie filling? It is truly still a mystery to me.

I feel like there must be some miniature door hidden in the back corner of the pantry where the Keebler Elves or some sort of creature that looks quite similar waits for the perfect time to attack! By adding ridiculous expired food products. Or just ridiculous food products.

For example, our stash of tea. I am not a tea drinker. I quite prefer coffee and I think tea tastes strange. But maybe once a year we make tea. My sister once went through a phase where she made a lot of tea and I think that is where we acquired the stash. But we had ten boxes of assorted tea. And in case you didn't know, tea does expire! So most of our stash of tea is sitting at the bottom of the trash can.

By the time I am done with the pantry, I am feeling much better about life. I can find things. I can tell what we have in stock and what we do not. And I can make sure my mom doesn't buy any more of what we already have.

But what do you think happened when my parents got home? Well, I pointed to the pantry and my mom went to open it and do you know what she did next!? I still am in utter shock. I can't even believe it happened. She opened the trash can and peered inside it. Then with a crumpled face, she took out an old bottle of dressing and said,  "I JUST bought this. You cannot throw this away." Well ma, seeing as how the expiration date is 2010 I'm going to go with that was a blatant lie and the only way you "just" bought this is if you created a time machine and placed it in the dressing isle at the grocery store. But seeing as how this is a highly unlikely scenario,  I'm gonna go with lie.

Next she asks... "Where's all the tea!?" This coming from the mother who has never made tea for herself in her life. I'm sorry... what were we keeping this tea for? Are gypsies coming to town and we plan buying things from them by trading in tea? Because it is enough to start some form of currency so this may actually be doable. In that case, I can most certainly fish them out of the trash. If that isn't the case then they are staying put. Or are we planning on reenacting the Boston Tea Party because I think that would be fun and for this I will also fish the tea out of the trash.

Do you see what I have to deal with people? I am currently swaying back and forth on a very small line. On one side of the line... I'm leaving soon and therefore can pretend it goes away. The other side of the line... dear god, if I don't teach them the proper grocery buying and storing rules my parents are going to 1. Die of starvation because they can't find anything 2. Die of some disease because they have eaten rotten food.

Looks like I have work cut out for me in the next several months...

I also found the perfect gift to give as a going away gift. As in, I am going away, please read this!

On the upside and random side, I just found out you can make a funfetti cake/cupcakes with a simple box of funfetti mix and a can of soda. No eggs, oil or anything else. Thank you pinterest.com for taking multitude of hours away from productivity as well as providing me with a plethora of humorous jokes and yummy recipes. 

cookiesandcups.com

(Disclaimer - I should tell you that we don't actually throw out a lot of food. I do more rearranging and making everything fit nicely than throw things away. Just so you know and don't get all crazy and bring out the starving kids in Africa. Though yes, I know they still exist and it is an unfortunate set of events. I'm sure they wouldn't enjoy large amounts of expired tea which brings no nutritional value except for the water that it is carried in.

And my family isn't filled with slobs... I promise! I am just a little crazy. You may have already come to this conclusion on your own.)